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4 phrases a Milwaukee psychologist says to say if you are a passenger with someone driving recklessly

A psychologist shared what you should be ready to say and do to help keep yourself safe if you are a passenger with someone driving recklessly.
reckless driving
Posted at 3:29 PM, May 01, 2023
and last updated 2023-05-03 10:16:55-04

When it comes to reckless driving, you might not be the one behind the wheel, but instead riding with a driver who is making dangerous choices. A psychologist shared what you should be ready to say and do to help keep yourself safe.

A group of teens at St. Thomas More High School in Milwaukee have been talking about reckless driving all school year. The group Students Against Destructive Decisions, also known as SADD, says it has been a major concern.

“A lot of people were worried about reckless driving within our communities,” said Allison Bontempo, junior and president of SADD at St. Thomas More.

She says that’s why SADD made it the focus of their group in hopes of cutting down on teen involvement in reckless driving. But she says they know they are not always the ones driving.

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The Students Against Destructive Decisions group (SADD) at St. Thomas More in Milwaukee explains to TMJ4 News why they chose reckless driving as their focus for the year.

“We have had a few people come in with stories about times they have been the passenger in car accidents that were caused by reckless driving. So we have talked about how we can be that role model and be like, 'Hey, don't do that,’” said Bontempo.

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Allison Bontempo (center), junior and president of SADD at St. Thomas More talks to members of the group.

Psychologist at Ascension Medical Group Nicole Steil says if you are a passenger of someone driving recklessly the most important thing you can do is speak up. She says there are four phrases that can make a difference.

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Nicole Steil, psychologist at Ascension Medical Group talks about four phrases you can say if you are a passenger in a car of someone driving recklessly.

“An easy formula to think of is, 'I see, I feel, I hope and I expect.' So in a situation where someone is tailgating. 'I see that you are tailgating, I feel unsafe, I hope and expect you will stop. And if not, I will not be in the car with you again,’” said Steil.

She says by doing that, you are setting a boundary and most people respond and respect the boundary. However, she says if they don’t, your next steps are to do whatever is necessary to be safe.

“The most important thing we can do in a situation like that is be really vocal about what our boundaries are,” said Steil. “'I’m going to pull the keys from the ignition, I'm going to call 911.’ That line in the sand is where you get to have your power and control back.”

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Reckless driving scene in Milwaukee.

She says the people who usually come to see her are the people who felt like they were in a dangerous situation where they never spoke up.

“Sometimes people feel setting a boundary sounds really harsh. But assertive communication is rooted in, 'I respect myself and I respect you.' And in safety, we don't want to negotiate, we want to set boundaries,” said Steil.

She says if you do rely on other people for rides, she tells her clients to have backup plans that will make them feel safe to leave a car. You can do things like download a ride-share app, know the bus schedule, or just have someone safe to call.


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